SCENE 4: DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS - HARP HILL

                                        We arrive in the library of Harp
                                        Hill. It is gloomy and there is
                                        fantasy style music playing in the
                                        background. Kevin, Pat and Anjali
                                        are gathered around a table in
                                        what look like 'Wizardy' style
                                        robes and hats etc.

                              KEVIN
                            (In character)
                Having recovered from your recent brawl with
                the dragon and its henchmen. You proceed on
                foot through the forest, day is turning to
                dusk, the air is becoming cold. You are weary
                but alive.

                                        Pat raises his hand.

                              KEVIN
                Yes Hogwash?

                              PAT
                            (In character)
                I wish to use the medical kit.

                              KEVIN
                            (In character)
                You have none remaining. Zelda will have to
                give you her last one. Zelda, do you concur?

                              ANJALI
                            (Not in character)
                Well, not really/

                              PAT
                            (Not in character)
                Oh come on Anjali!

                              ANJALI
                            (Not in character)
                Fine.
                            (In character)
                You may sup.

                              KEVIN
                            (In character)
                Roll for health Zelda.

                                        She rolls.

                              ANJALI
                Six!

                              KEVIN
                Hogwash, your health is boosted by six.

                              PAT
                            (In character)
                Most kind Zelda, I am most appreciative if your
                generosity! Most kind!

                              KEVIN
                            (In character)
                You continue walking and approach a clearing in
                the forest. A silhouette looms into view. Ork
                Zelda, what do you do?

                              ANJALI
                            (In character)
                I hide behind a bush.

                              PAT
                            (In character)
                Again Zelda?! You are always hiding behind
                bushes! May I suggest you fight!

                              KEVIN
                            (In character)
                That's enough Hogwash! Roll for stealth Zelda.

                                        She rolls a twelve.

                              ANJALI
                Twelve!

                              KEVIN
                Yep, you successfully hide behind a bush.

                                        She ducks behind a chair. Back in
                                        character. 
                Before Hogwash is able to move -

                                        He rises off his chair and begins
                                        to act out.
                A wizard skulks out from behind the trees and
                begins walking - circling you.

                                        He rolls the dice - it's bad roll.
                                        The next part of the performance
                                        is very dramatic.
                His fingers start to glow, the glowing turns
                into flame he aims the tips of his fingers at
                Shergar Hogwash the Dwarf and
                a red hot stream of molten flame shoots out/

                              PAT
                            (In character)
                /Nooooooo!!!

                              KEVIN
                            (In character)
                But sails way above the little dwarf's head and
                barrels harmlessly into the forest canopy.
                (Out of character)
                Your roll Hogwash, what do you want to do?

                              PAT
                            (Out of character)
                What weapons have I got?

                              KEVIN
                            (Out of character)
                Well none, you threw your sword in a lake
                yesterday to impress Zelda.

                              ANJALI
                            (In character)
                You fool!

                              PAT
                            (In character)
                Oh yes, regrettable. Are there any rocks nearby
                I can throw?

                              KEVIN
                            (Out of character)
                There is statistically a very low chance of you
                achieving a successful outcome with that move.

                              PAT
                            (In character)
                I care not for statistics! Hand me the stone!

                              KEVIN
                            (Out of character)
                Roll for skill then.

                                        He rolls, it's a perfect roll. As
                                        Kevin describes the action it is
                                        acted out with great gusto,
                                        potentially in slow-motion. Unless
                                        stated otherwise, all of the
                                        following is in character.

                              PAT
                D twenty!

                              PAT & ANJALI
                Woaaahhhh!

                              KEVIN
                            (Out of character)
                Really?! Let me see!
                            (In character)
                Spying a very small pebble by his foot, Shergar
                Hogwash reaches down and clutches it in his
                hand. The Wizard continues to circle, lining up
                his next attack. Hogwash cocks his arm back
                behind his head and with a huge roar/

                              PAT
                /ROOOOAAARRRRRRRRR!

                              KEVIN
                Hurls it with a power that defies his lowly
                dwarf stature. Zelda looks on from behind the
                bush in astonishment as the pebble sails
                through the air. The wizard, who is preparing a
                monster spell, see's the projectile and tries
                to take evasive action/

                              PAT
                            (Out of character)
                Anjali, play the rock!

                                        Anjali picks up a pencil case and
                                        tracks it in slow-mo towards
                                        Kevin. Underscore.

                              KEVIN
                But it is too late and all the Wizard can do is
                close his eyes and hope!

                                        Slow-mo noises from the three of
                                        them.

                              KEVIN
                Noooooo!!

                                        The pencilcase crunches into the
                                        side of Kevin's head and he
                                        dramatically recoils.

                              PAT
                Yeeeeeeeaaaasssss!!! Taaaaaakeeee thaaaaatttt
                youuuu dummmmmmb wizzzaarrrrrrddddd!

                                        Kevin falls to the floor. Pat is
                                        doing a dance of celebration, even
                                        Anjali is joining in, in her own
                                        way. Kevin is making painful dying
                                        sounds. Suddenly the light snaps
                                        on and Penny enters. She
                                        accidentally stands on Kevin's
                                        hand who has done so much acting
                                        he has ended up by the door. The
                                        bright, stark light reveals the
                                        slapdash nature of the costumes
                                        which are old dressing gowns and
                                        bits of lost property cobbled
                                        together to look like wizard
                                        cloaks and hats.

                              PENNY
                Arrrrghhh!

                              KEVIN
                Aarrrrrghhh!

                              PAT & ANJALI
                Aaarghhhhhh!

                                        There is a beat. Pat eventually
                                        presses stop on the tape player
                                        and the fantasy music stops.

                              KEVIN
                Penny Hart! My hand, you stood on my hand...

                              PENNY
                What the...

                                        Kevin is desperately to getting up
                                        off the floor, not showing he's in
                                        pain and trying to claw back some
                                        dignity. Impossible given his
                                        costume.

                              KEVIN
                We can explain!

                              PENNY
                Don't bother.

                              PAT
                It's an innocent misunderstanding!

                              PENNY
                Is it? Because it is my understanding that we
                are meant to be doing a presentation in front
                of the entire school in less than twenty four
                hours. He can't speak, you're unbelievably
                unique and who's that under that hat?

                              ANJALI
                            (Quietly)
                It's no-one.

                              PENNY
                Take off the hat.

                                        Anjali takes the hat off slowly.

                              PENNY
                Oh Jesus Anjali, not you as well, I thought you
                were better than this.

                              ANJALI
                Sorry Penny, it's just, they made me do it.

                              PAT
                We did not!

                              ANJALI
                No they didn't. I don't know why I said that. I
                panicked.

                              PENNY
                It's fine, Anjali.

                                        She walks to fetch her post.

                              KEVIN
                            (Bumbling)
                I can get your post if you want me, like, would
                like me to?

                              PENNY
                            (Picking her post up)
                I've got it, thanks. I'm here to help you
                Kevin, we're on the same team. We all are. I
                just need you to show me your trying, that's
                all.

                              PAT
                Then let's rehearse!

                              PENNY
                We've got lessons all afternoon, Pat.

                              PAT
                Then we'll meet back here at five for one last
                rehearsal? I'll sweeten Mrs Fitzpatrick up to
                book out the library!

                                        Beat.

                              PENNY
                Fine. I'll see you all here at five. Don't be
                late.

                              KEVIN
                Yes.

                                        She exits.

                              ANJALI
                Such a way with women!

                              KEVIN
                This is a disaster! Look at me, this is not a
                man that screams 'winner'.

                              ANJALI
                It depends where you're competing, if it was
                the shittest costume in the library competition
                then you might be a winner.

                              PAT
                You'd definitely be a winner.

                              ANJALI
                It's alright Kevin, the world won't end if you
                don't win this competition.

                              PAT
                What are you talking about Anjali?! That is
                exactly what will happen! Our world as we know
                it will crumble around our very feet.

                              ANJALI
                You're so dramatic, Patrick.

                              KEVIN
                He's right. How will I ever be able to do this?
                Fail on that stage and I'll never be able to
                show my face here again.

                              ANJALI
                Oh come on.

                                        Pat is deep in thought, on the
                                        verge of an epiphany.

                              PAT
                Crumbling, crumbling, the world...crumbling...

                              ANJALI
                Are you stuck? Does he have a reset button?

                              KEVIN
                Pat?

                              PAT
                When the world is on the verge of collapse,
                what would our heroes do, Kevin?

                              KEVIN
                I've told you Pat, we're not like them.

                              PAT
                We're not Kevin. You are. You just don't know
                it yet.

                              ANJALI
                Oh god.

           

                              PAT
                Don't sit around waiting for destiny to come to
                you, go out and grab it, no matter what it
                takes.

                                        Sung.
            YOU'VE GOT TO FIGHT REALLY HARD,
            OR ELSE YOU'LL FIND THAT THE JOURNEY NEVER STARTS
            IT'S ALL ABOUT WHO YOU ARE,
            AND OVERCOMING THE TRICKIER PARTS.
            YOU GOTTA HELL OF A START,
            YOU GOTTA BRAIN AND A FRIEND WHO JUST WON'T QUIT!
            AND IF WE WORK REALLY SMART,
            I'M SURE TOGETHER WE'LL FIND WHERE WE FIT.
            BIT BY BIT IT WILL SET YOU FREE,
            I CAN'T IMAGINE THE TREASURES YOU'LL SEE,
            START THE QUEST AND LETS MEET YOUR DESTINY...
            'CAUSE YOU CAN COUNT ON ME...

                                        Chorus.
            TO DO WHAT IT TAKES AND RUN TO THE CALL,
            OVERCOME OBSTACLES GIANT OR SMALL,
            IF YOU TAKE A LEAP AND SOMEHOW YOU STALL,
            THEY'LL ALWAYS BE PAT THERE TO BREAK YOUR FALL.
            JUST STEP TO YOUR DREAMS AND YOU'LL WALK THE WALK,
            PENNY WILL LOVE IT WHEN YOU LEARN TO TALK,
            I WON'T LEAVE YOUR SIDE, I MAKE YOU THAT VOW,
            'CAUSE THIS IS YOUR FUTURE, STARTING NOW...
            STARTING NOW!!

                              KEVIN
                            (Spoken)
                I either roll over and let this defeat me or I
                do something about it, right?

                              PAT
                Yes, right!

                              KEVIN
                OK. Pat, Anjali meet me back here tonight. I
                have work to do. 

                              PAT
                Woolworth's will never have seen anything like
                you before. Strap in world!

                              ANJALI
                God help us.

                              PAT
                            (Sung)
            STARTING NOW!

                                        The stage revolves to Penny in the
                                        corridor of the dorm block. 

3. Starting Now