SCENE 2: WOOLWORTH'S VISION OF THE FUTURE - HARP HILL

                                        Harp Hill School corridor, Harry
                                        is stood on a chair surrounded by
                                        a throng of students noisily going
                                        about their business. Harry gets
                                        up on a chair, Karen next to him
                                        at ground level.

                              KAREN
                Everybody be quiet and listen! Your Head Boy
                has an important announcement! QUIET!

                                        They hush up and gather round. As
                                        Harry explains, Karen has a
                                        selection of diagrams on a flip
                                        chart which she points at, at
                                        appropriate moments.

                              HARRY
                Alright Karen, thank you. At three o'clock
                tomorrow one team from year eleven will be
                selected - by you the students - to stand
                before the Chairman of Woolworth's himself and
                present their Woolworth's Vision of The Future.
                That student vote will take place after
                tomorrow afternoon's final round of
                presentations and you will be voting either for
                my team: Deregulation - Liberate a Nation/

                              KAREN
                /Whoop!

                              HARRY
                Or Team Vibrator.

                              PAT
                            (Shouting from the crowd)
                It's Vibranium!

                              HARRY
                Whatever. Whoever you choose will stand alone
                representing Harp Hill in presenting their
                vision to Wooly's tomorrow night.
                 

                                        Simple John puts his hand up.

                              HARRY
                Yes, Simple John?

                              SIMPLE JOHN
                I don't think I get it.

                              HARRY
                            (Taking a deep breath)
                Right, listen carefully John. The final heat at
                three o'clock tomorrow is what you vote on.
                That winning team will then go on to present
                their vision of the future to the whole school
                and the Chairman of Woolworth's at seven
                tomorrow night.

                              SIMPLE JOHN
                I'm still massively confused.

                              HARRY
                Which bit are you struggling with John?

                              SIMPLE JOHN
                All of it.

                              HARRY
                Be specific if you can.

                              SIMPLE JOHN
                The voting...and heat...and the last bit.

                              HARRY
                I don't know how to put this simpler.
                            (Speaking very slowly)
                Tomorrow afternoon is the final heat which you
                get to vote on - the winning team will go on to
                present their vision of the future to the
                Woolworth's Chairman and the rest of the school
                at seven.

                              SIMPLE JOHN
                What is this for?

                              HARRY
                The Woolworth's vision of the future
                competition John.

                              SIMPLE JOHN
                When is the heat?

                              HARRY
                Tomorrow afternoon.

                              SIMPLE JOHN
                And who votes on that?

                              HARRY
                You do John! Fuck me! 

                              SIMPLE JOHN
                So what am I voting for?

                              HARRY
                The team to represent Harp - look, just go to
                the lower hall with everyone else at three and
                after that, vote for my team. Honestly what the
                fuck is he eating that stops his brain from
                working? Is everyone else clear?

                              KAREN
                Whoop!

                              HARRY
                            (angry, sotto)
                Not now, Karen!
                            (Back to the crowd)
                Also, I would never condone booing but if you
                do feel it necessary, then direct it at that
                pair of cock-wombles over there.
                            (Pointing at Kev and Pat; Penny has
                              distanced herself.)

                              KAREN
                Booo!

                              HARRY
                Thank you, Karen. That is all, now, it's five
                past nine so please kindly fuck off.

                                        The crowd disperse. Harry starts
                                        walking towards Kevin and Pat.

                              PAT
                Oh god, he's heading straight for us!

                              KEVIN
                Look away!

                              PAT
                Where?

                              KEVIN
                Anywhere! At the floor, I don't know!

                              HARRY
                Are you girls ready to be annihilated?

                              PAT
                You won't annihilate us, we're made of very
                stern stuff.

                              HARRY
                Oh yeah? And what stuff is that?

                              PAT
                Vibranium.

                              HARRY
                Right.

                              PAT
                It's the sternest material known to man.

                              HARRY
                Right.

                              PAT
                That's why it's our team name, because it's
                basically indestructible, like us.

                                        Harry twists Pat's nipple. Pat
                                        recoils in a vastly overblown
                                        reaction.

                              PAT
                AAaaarrghhhhh! My tit!

                              HARRY
                Indestructible, sure.

                              KEVIN
                What do you want, Harry?

                              HARRY
                Just a friendly chat with my two favourite
                court concubines. 

                              KEVIN
                            (Pleasantly surprised)
                Oh.

                                        Karen giggles and snorts.

                              HARRY
                Joke.
                            (Moving in close to intimidate Kevin)
                I'm going to crush you into a thousand tiny
                pieces, Kevin lark.
                            (He moves away from Kevin and opens the
                              dialogue back out)
                I don't know what will be more painful,
                watching you literally shit your own pants in
                front of the entire school, or having to listen
                to whatever depressing 'vision of the future'
                someone with your pathetic prospects might
                dream up.

                                        Penny enters with Anjali in tow,
                                        holding a clipboard.

                              HARRY
                Ah! Your little girlfriend has arrived.

                              PENNY
                Piss off, Harry.

                              KAREN
                Oh, you said you had something for Penny,
                Harry.

                              HARRY
                Did I?

                              KAREN
                Yes, you said...
                            (She checks her notes)
                'If the horsey one turns up, remind me I have
                something for her'.

                              HARRY
                Oh yes I did! A message straight from the
                Principal.

                                        He rummages in his pocket.

                              HARRY
                Hang on, I wrote it down somewhere...ah! Here
                it is!

                                        He pulls out his hand and flicks
                                        the 'V'.

                              HARRY
                Fuck off, horse face!

                                        Obviously Harry finds this
                                        hilarious and Karen follows suit
                                        laughing and snorting. They exit
                                        with Harry doing 'Horsey' noises.

                              PENNY
                Lovely. Shall we run through it then? Make sure
                he's not proved right.

                              ANJALI
                Are you alright Penny?

                              PENNY
                Yes fine, let's get started. I hope you guys
                are pretty much off book, it took me ages to
                turn your mad ideas into actual human language. 

                              PAT
                I will cue us in with 'this' signal.
                            (He demonstrates some sort of elaborate
                              signal)
                And then there will be quite an impressive
                light display and music.

                              ANJALI
                Actually, as stage manager I will just give you
                two a 'standby' and 'go'. Then you're on.

                              PAT
                Roger that.

                              PENNY
                Great. Off you go.

                                        Brief silence.

                              ANJALI
                Standby...and go.

                                       

                              PAT
                Good afternoon and welcome to team Vibranium's
                Vision of the Future! My name is Patrick
                O'coughlan and this is m'colleague...

                                        Silence. Kevin can't seem to
                                        function in the spotlight. 

                              PENNY
                Say your name, Kevin.

                              KEVIN
                Ummmm.

                              PENNY
                For fuck sake. Your name! KEVIN.

                              PAT
                Penny, you won't be able to swear at us in the
                real thing.

                              PENNY
                No shit, Patrick.
                            (To Kevin)
                If saying your own name is beyond you, what is
                the point in us even doing this tomorrow?

                              ANJALI
                We don't actually have a choice...

                              PAT
                We were selected by the school council to take
                part. Our participation is destiny, it's
                written in the/stars.

                              PENNY
                /Yes, I know, it was a rhetorical/question.

                              KEVIN
                /I can say my name! It's Kluvin! Kluvin! Kevin!

                              PENNY
                God help us. If you don't get it together in
                time for tomorrow afternoon our lives will
                become a living hell. Have you got that? You've
                got the rest the day to do whatever it is you
                need to do. When I next see you, you'd better
                be able to talk because the whole school will
                be baying for our blood and introducing
                yourself as 'Kluvin' is exactly the sort of
                thing that will drive them wild. Please Kevin,
                for once in your life, just don't be a dweeb.
                Can you try that?

                              KEVIN
                I will try. 

                              PENNY
                Good.

                                        She exits, leaving Pat, Kevin and
                                        Anjali alone.

                              PAT
                Well that went well. Kluvin.

                              KEVIN
                What the hell are we going to do?!

                              ANJALI
                Are you sure you can't just take a breath and
                read what's on the cards?

                              PAT
                I often find that when I have to do something,
                I just do it, in fact I don't often put my mind
                to stuff, I just do stuff/without really...

                              KEVIN
                /Yeah, well I'm not you, Pat.

                              PAT
                What would Captain Kirk do in this situation?

                              ANJALI
                Why would Captain Kirk be competing in the
                Woolworth's Vision of the Future competition?

                              KEVIN
                It's bad enough having to do this in front of
                the school but then to have Penny looking at me
                the whole time I...I...

                              PAT
                You what know you need?

                              KEVIN
                What?

                              PAT
                You need to calm the brain and divulge the
                mind!

                              KEVIN
                Pat...

                              ANJALI
                Pat?

                              PAT
                Say it...

                              KEVIN
                Pat I'm not really/

                              PAT
                /say it, Kevin.

                              KEVIN
                            (Mumbled)
                To the library.

                              PAT
                Sorry, what was that?

                              KEVIN
                            (Louder)
                To the library!

                              PAT
                And you Anjali...

                              ANJALI
                I don't think/

                              PAT
                            (Very quickly)
                Three, two, one!

                              ALL
                            (With varying levels of gusto)
                To the library!

                                        Pat pretends to mount a horse and
                                        ride off, the other two follow
                                        walking normally. Scene change to
                                        Forest Hill.

WORLDS APART LOGO NB.png