SCENE 10: PATHS CROSS - FOREST HILL
Kevin in suddenly alone in the
middle of Forest Hill.
KEVIN
Come in Pat, do you read? Over?
Pat can only be heard through the
walkie-talkie, he is not seen.
PAT
Loud and clear! Over!
KEVIN
There's still no sign of him but I'm going to
keep my head down and/
COURTNEY
/Dylan!
GLORIA
We didn't think you'd be seeing you today?
Kevin looks around double checking
he is who they are speaking to and
then tries to keep his face out of
view. In his attempts to be
undercover, he probably couldn't
be more conspicuous.
KEVIN
No...?
COURTNEY
Are you wearing glasses?
KEVIN
...Yes.
GLORIA
Since when did you wear glasses?
KEVIN
Since...today.
COURTNEY
Clearly.
GLORIA
Have you seen Sarah? She's looking for you.
COURTNEY
I wouldn't be wearing those comedy glasses when
you see her if I were you, she's not happy.
GLORIA
We're not joking Dylan, I think she'll be
seriously pissed off if she's trying to have a
real, like, relationship conversation and
you're wearing those fucking things.
COURTNEY
Well aren't you going to say anything?
Kevin shakes his head.
GLORIA
Give me the glasses, Dylan.
COURTNEY
You will be thanking us. This is no time for
your stupid little pranks. Come on.
Kevin submits, slowly taking his
glasses off and blindly holding
them out.
COURTNEY
(Taking the glasses)
Good decision.
GLORIA
Good luck with the test later Dyl, you know we
want you to pass.
Gloria and Courtney exit with
Kevin's glasses SL. Kevin is left
alone. He crouches and pulls out
the walkie-talkie quickly.
KEVIN
(extreme panic)
They've got my glasses Pat! They've got my
fucking glasses?!
Silence.
PAT
You have to say over, over.
KEVIN
They've got my fucking glasses, over!
PAT
Who have Captain? Try to stay calm! Over!
KEVIN
The girls! I don't know what to do! I can't see
a ruddy thing Pat!
Beat.
PAT
...Over?
KEVIN
Over!
PAT
Stay calm! Look in your bag, I gave you a
monocular remember? Use that until you get them
back, over!
KEVIN
I just need to get out of here, this was a
stupid idea, I'm coming back, over and out.
Kevin reaches into his pocket and
pulls out the monocular, which he
uses to try and make his way off
SL but some students cross in
front of him. He turns to go off
SR as Ralph enters. Ralph see's
Kevin and stands still as Kevin
slowly edges gingerly towards him
holding his monocular to his eye.
Eventually Kevin is facing Ralph
straight on. He slowly brings his
focus to Ralph's head height and
is shocked at how big Ralph's face
looks.
KEVIN
Arrghh!
RALPH
I'm sorry!
KEVIN
Excuse me, I'm just leaving.
RALPH
Would you like your lighter before you go?
KEVIN
Lighter?
RALPH
For your cigarette?
KEVIN
Um no, thank you. Goodbye then.
There's a sort of stand off as
both wait for the other to leave.
Eventually, Ralph exits with
curiosity. Kevin gets his walkie
talkie out, desperate again.
KEVIN
I can't get away Pat, there are people
everywhere! We were right, there must be a
double here somewhere - they all keep calling
me Dylan, over.
PAT
Roger, over.
KEVIN
No, not Roger, Dylan, over.
PAT
Why would you roger Dylan? Over.
KEVIN
I'm not rogering Dylan Pat, I'm going by the
name 'Dylan', over.
PAT
Dylan Over, Roger that. Over.
KEVIN
No Pat! Just Dylan...over.
PAT
Noted. There's just one Dylan Over, over.
KEVIN
This is nonsense, I'm heading back/
Spud throws a ball at Kevin who
can't see and is thoroughly taken
by surprise but it ricochets off
him back to Spud.
SPUD
Beckham back to Butt!
(He slams it into the wings)
Who BURIES IT! BOOM!
Kevin is looking at Spud through
the monocular.
SPUD
What the fuck is that?
KEVIN
Who me?
SPUD
Yes Dylan, what the fuck is that?
KEVIN
(holding the monocular up)
This?
SPUD
Yes.
KEVIN
It's called a monocular.
SPUD
What's it for? Like, looking at tits or
something?
KEVIN
Yes?
SPUD
Wicked. I'll meet you in first period yeah?
Then we can really start crushing some shit up.
Out with a bang Dyl! Out with a bang! In a bit!
Spud exits SL. Sarah enters from
SR.
SARAH
Oh, you're here.
KEVIN
(looking around)
I am here, indeed I am.
SARAH
I didn't think you'd show.
KEVIN
Well, expect the unexpected I always say!
SARAH
No you don't, I have literally never heard you
say that in your life.
KEVIN
No of course not, just a joke.
SARAH
Yeah, I honestly thought you were just going to
give it all up. Without even trying.
KEVIN
Nope.
SARAH
I'm really impressed Dyl, that's all I've ever
wanted - for you to try. Do your best, be
brave, you'll be surprised how far you can go.
KEVIN
Quite far...it turns out.
SARAH
I'm really sorry about yesterday, but you know
it's only because I care about you. A lot.
Kevin's walkie-talkie goes off in
his pocket with a white noise
sound with a muffled 'come in?'
from Pat.
SARAH
What was that?
KEVIN
Just me! Going kkkkssshhhhh! Kkksshhhhmmm I'm
sorry too. So sorry.
SARAH
Right.
Awkward silence.
SARAH
I'll see you at break then yeah?
KEVIN
Yeah, yeah of course. Normal place, normal
time, just normal normal.
SARAH
Yep...normal, normal.
She goes to kiss him, he pulls
away.
SARAH
Oh it's like that is it? Fuck sake.
She exits. Kevin rushes to get his
walkie talkie out.
KEVIN
Pat! Do not contact me! You nearly jeopardised
this whole thing!
Garbled feedback.
KEVIN
Pat!
More garbled feedback until Kevin
decides to turn it off.
RALPH
Dylan?
Forgetting that his name is now
'Dylan', Kevin doesn't reply.
RALPH
Would you like me to help you with anything?
KEVIN
No! Please, leave me alone!
RALPH
Yes Dylan, sorry!
Kevin blindly starts walking
towards SR exit.
RALPH
I wouldn't go that way Dylan, Mrs Chandry is
there.
KEVIN
Well then where can I go?!
RALPH
To class.
KEVIN
Right, of course.
Kevin stands still and looks
around with the monocular.
RALPH
Straight ahead Dylan.
KEVIN
Yes, thank you. As you were.
He heads off SL slowly. Ralph
starts to exit SR. Dylan rushes
past Kevin from SL, head down.
DYLAN
Oi, Ralph! Ralph!
Ralph rushes back on.
RALPH
Yes Dylan?
DYLAN
Where's my fucking lighter.
RALPH
Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you didn't want it?
DYLAN
Why the fuck wouldn't I want to light my
cigarette?
RALPH
No, no of course, absolutely.
Ralph lights Dylan's cigarette.
RALPH
Where's your monocular?
DYLAN
What the fuck is wrong with you?
RALPH
Nothing! Anything else?
DYLAN
No thank you, off you fuck.
Ralph exits SR. Gloria enters from
SL.
GLORIA
Did she find you?
DYLAN
Who?
GLORIA
Your girlfriend Dylan. I literally just told
you she was looking for you.
DYLAN
No you didn't.
GLORIA
What is wrong with you today? Just talk to her
will you?
She heads towards the SL exit. Tom
enters from the same exit passing
Gloria as he does so. He's wearing
Kevin's glasses and pretending to
be a nerd.
TOM
I'm a fucking hero, I love adding shit up and
taking it away.
(Trying to make Gloria jump and
succeeding.)
NERD!
GLORIA
Oh grow up Tom.
She exits SL.
TOM
Look at these Dylan, I found them in Courtney's
bag.
DYLAN
What were you doing in her bag?
TOM
It was just open, I'm not a creep. Are we ready
to cause some fucking carnage?
Spud enters from SR.
SPUD
There he is! Where's your little tit telescope?
DYLAN
What?!
SPUD
I've bunked my isolation for this, let's go!
TOM
Are you sure you wanna miss isolation?
SPUD
Isolation spice-olation.
TOM
What the fuck goes on in your head?
SPUD
What the fuck goes on in your head?
DYLAN
Fair point.
SPUD
I believe we are gathered here to help Dylan
smash this place up before he leaves. Which
bins to you want me to smash Dyl?
Kevin comes crawling on from SL
looking for his glasses and trying
to make an escape and continues
crawling with his head down as the
boys converse.
DYLAN
Who the fuck is this?
TOM
I have no idea.
SPUD
Here kitty!
DYLAN
Oi mate, what are you doing?
Kevin crawls right up to Spud's
feet but keeps his head down as he
speaks. If he occasionally looks
up, only Spud can see him who may
be inclined to do several double
takes etc.
KEVIN
Oh gosh, sorry, I'm trying to find my glasses.
DYLAN
You won't find them down there.
TOM
What do they look like?
KEVIN
They're black. Quite big.
TOM
These things?
KEVIN
Do you have them? Let me feel! Are the lenses
thick?
TOM
Thicker than Spud.
SPUD
Blimey.
Kevin slowly stands up to get
them. There is a stunned silence
as they all stop to take in
Dylan's double.
KEVIN
May I have them?
SPUD
(Looking at his own hand and then back and
forth between Dylan and Kevin)
Oh no....not Again! The desert wine!
DYLAN
Who the fuck are you?
KEVIN
I was just looking for my glasses.
DYLAN
What's your name dick wad?
KEVIN
Oh. Kevin.
(beat)
Shit! Dylan. I mean, Dylan.
DYLAN
That's funny.
SPUD
(Holding his stomach)
Oh god.
DYLAN
That's my name.
KEVIN
Wait, what? You're he...him, you're him?
TOM
Did you put something in my drink Spud!?
DYLAN
Look mate, I don't know what your deal is, but
you need to fuck off right now or I'm going to
smash your hand so far up your arse you'll be
wearing your own face as a glove.
KEVIN
Wait! Wait, listen! I can't see you without my
glasses, but I'm going to assume that, well
this is a bit odd, but I'm going to guess that
you look like me. Right?
DYLAN
Yes. Tom, give him the glasses.
TOM
But/
DYLAN
/Just give him the fucking glasses.
KEVIN
Oh thank you.
(Beat. Kevin reacts upon seeing Dylan
clearly for the first time.)
Dylan.
KEVIN
(Taking a breath)
I've been looking for you. I mean, not in a
weird way, just in a normal...I saw you
yesterday by the fence at Harp Hill.
DYLAN
Right...
TOM
Do you want me to hit him Dyl? I'll hit him.
DYLAN
No, wait. Go on.
KEVIN
We need to figure out who we are, why we look
the same. According to my studies, it could be
a number of different things...
DYLAN
What?
KEVIN
I know it's a lot to take in. Umm how do I put
this simply? We might be exactly the same
person, separated only by time and space and
not by matter.
SPUD
What are you talking about? What is he talking
about?
TOM
I have no idea.
KEVIN
I'm talking about the science behind why we
look the way we do and what that might mean for
both of us...all of us actually/
DYLAN
/We're twins.
Silence.
SPUD
What?
TOM
What?
KEVIN
What?
DYLAN
Nobody told you?
KEVIN
I'm a...I have....are you sure?
DYLAN
I'm guessing you're adopted, right?
KEVIN
How did you...?
DYLAN
Am I right?
KEVIN
Right.
DYLAN
And they never told you, you had a brother?
KEVIN
No...I mean, I don't think so.
TOM
Shit.
DYLAN
What's your real name?
KEVIN
Kevin Lark.
DYLAN
(Dylan reaches out to shake Kevin's hand)
It's nice to meet you Kevin Lark.
Shaking hands.
KEVIN
You too, Dylan...
DYLAN
Chambers.
KEVIN
If you knew you had a brother then...have you
been trying to find me?
DYLAN
Absolutely not, why the fuck do I care if I've
got a brother. I mean, I didn't know I was
identical but, well it must be. Look at you.
Makes sense doesn't it?
TOM
Where did you come from?
KEVIN
Harp Hill.
SPUD
Whooo! Mon-eeyyyy!
DYLAN
Looks like you got the better deal.
KEVIN
I'm sorry, this is quite a lot to take in. My
friend Pat was certain that the fence was some
form of portal to a different world or...
DYLAN
Mate, I hate to tell you, but this is a
different world compared to Harp Hill.
SPUD
Mon-eyyy!
KEVIN
(To himself)
Christ! I have a brother?!
(To Dylan)
What do we do? There must be something we can
do. Every problem has a solution...we just have
to think about the numbers. Statistically, if
there are around one million births annually
then we find out what percentage of those would
be twins. Next we look at adoption rates within
that calculation. Pretty soon the odds of this
chance separation and consequent reunion will
emerge. Right?
TOM
Right?
SPUD
What?
DYLAN
(Smiling)
Right.
KEVIN
So, off the top of my head if we say that about
half a percentage point of those million
children born are adopted we start getting
closer to the figures we need to investigate in
more detail.
DYLAN
And what would that be?
SPUD
Ten.
DYLAN
Not you, I'm talking to rain man.
KEVIN
Point five percent of one million is five
thousand, that's the easy bit.
DYLAN
Of course it is.
(Beat)
Why are you here Kev?
KEVIN
Why am I?...When I saw you, you...you just
seemed so much cooler than me.
DYLAN
What do you mean?
KEVIN
Well, people like you.
SPUD
Everyone loves him.
TOM
Alright mate.
KEVIN
I only meant to observe...I just thought I
might be able to learn something about how to
be more like you. How to be, you know, more
confident.
DYLAN
I'm sure I could help you with that.
KEVIN
Really?
DYLAN
Sure. What are you doing this afternoon?
KEVIN
I'm meant to be doing a presentation in front
of the whole school but look at me, it's going
to be a total embarrassment.
TOM
Oh he could help you with that I reckon.
KEVIN
You could?
SPUD
Sorry, can we just appreciate how amazing this
is? Two wonderful young men, finding each
other. Helping each other.
DYLAN
Exactly. Helping - each other.
KEVIN
Umm...right?
DYLAN
I'm the King of Forest Hill, why would't I want
to share some of my philosophical riches? It's
what brother's do, right?
DYLAN
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN THE FIRST PICK FOR THE FOOTBALL TEAM?
HAVE YOU EVER HAD A CROWD OF PEOPLE CLAP AND SCREAM?
HAVE YOU EVER HAD THE LADIES DROPPING AT YOUR FEET?
HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN A BUS ON THE BACK SEAT?
THESE ARE FEELINGS THAT NO GRAPHIC NOVEL CAN DESCRIBE,
YOU'RE THE COOLEST GUY IN SCHOOL, THE LEADER OF THE TRIBE,
PEOPLE LOOK AT YOU FOR GUIDANCE ON WHAT'S COOL OR NOT,
NOW IT'S TIME FOR YOUR NEW SHOES TO STRIKE THE WINNING SHOT!
AND I CAN MAKE THOSE DREAMS COME TRUE...FOR YOU!
THERE IS NOTHING THAT OUR NEW FOUND POWERS CAN NOT HELP US TO
DO.
NOW OUR LUCK IS ON THE UP... SO WAKE UP! IT'S TIME TO SAY
GOODBYE TO LITTLE SPECK-Y NO-ONE LIKES YOU KEVIN LARK,
THE RUNNER-UP! OH YEAH!
Chorus.
AS TWO WORLDS COLLIDE,
THERE'S NO TIME TO HIDE,
DROP THE NEEDLE, SKIP THE TRACK,
AND FLIP TO THE A- SIDE,
OUR FATES ARE NOW TIED,
HOP ON FOR THE RIDE,
...LET'S FLIP TO THE A-SIDE!
WOAH OH, WOAH OH OH OH OHH...
LET'S FLIP TO THE A-SIDE
WOAH OH, WOAH OH OH OH OHH...
LET'S FLIP TO THE A-SIDE
Spoken.
KEVIN
What a learning experience!
DYLAN
A what?
KEVIN
We've so much to teach each other buddy!
DYLAN
Buddy? Mate, that's not quite what I was err/
Sung.
KEVIN
I CAN SHOW YOU HOW TO CAPTURE AND THEN SEX A NEWT,
FIND THE FUNCTION OF ALL INTEGERS AND THEIR SQUARE ROOT,
I COULD SHOW YOU HOW TO CLASSIFY A TREE OR SHRUB,
I COULD BOOST YOUR REPUTATION WITH THE SCIENCE CLUB!
HAVE YOU EVER WOWED THE TEACHERS WITH YOUR ELOQUENCE?
MADE THEIR HEADS SPIN AT YOUR INTELLECTUAL ELEGANCE?
HAD THEM ALWAYS LOOK TO YOU FIRST FOR THE CORRECT RESPONSE,
AND THEN HIT THEM WITH YOUR ACADEMIC NONCHALANCE?
'CAUSE I CAN MAKE THOSE DREAMS COME TRUE...FOR YOU!
THERE IS NOTHING THAT OUR NEW FOUND POWERS CAN NOT HELP US TO
DO,
I'M CONVINCED BY THIS EXCHANGE... IT'S STRANGE!
IT'S TIME TO SAY GOODBYE TO THUGGY MEATHEAD DYLAN CHAMBERS
'CAUSE YOUR LUCK, IS GONNA CHANGE! OH YEAH!
Chorus.
BOTH
AS TWO WORLDS COLLIDE,
THERE'S NO TIME TO HIDE,
DROP THE NEEDLE, SKIP THE TRACK,
AND FLIP TO THE A- SIDE!
OUR FATES ARE NOW TIED,
HOP ON FOR THE RIDE
...LET'S FLIP TO THE A-SIDE,
WOAH OH, WOAH OH OH OH OHH...
LET'S FLIP TO THE A-SIDE,
WOAH OH, WOAH OH OH OH OHH...
LET'S FLIP TO THE A-SIDE!
Spoken.
DYLAN
Learning from each other is all very well Kev,
but you know what's even better?
KEVIN
What?
SPUD
Sex?
DYLAN
No. Well, yes, but not for this, obviously.
SPUD
Obviously.
DYLAN
Being each other.
KEVIN
What do you mean?
DYLAN
I'll be you, but 'me' being 'you', you know?
KEVIN
Umm?
DYLAN
I'll do your little science show and everyone
will love you.
KEVIN
Are you sure?
DYLAN
Trust me.
SPUD & TOM
Game on.
DYLAN
And you'll do my maths test this afternoon,
right?
KEVIN
Well...
DYLAN
That's my boy!
SPUD
There's learning to be had, I can feel it.
KEVIN
You'll need to find Pat.
DYLAN
Pat?
KEVIN
He'll be the one with the clipboard.
DYLAN
Clipboard? Fuck me. Welcome to the start of
your new life.
DYLAN
And to you.
Back into song.
KEVIN
I HOPE IT OPENS UP YOUR EYES
DYLAN
I HOPE YOU SEE WHO YOU COULD BE
KEVIN
I KNOW THAT THERE'LL BE LOWS AND HIGHS
SPUD & TOM
THE UNTOLD MYSTERIES YOU'LL SEE!
KEVIN
I HOPE THAT PENNY THINKS WE'RE COOL
AND PLEASE GIVE PAT MY BEST!
DYLAN
I WILL TAKE CARE OF HIM,
I HOPE THAT YOU ENJOY MY MATHS TEST!
TOM
HIS MATHS TEST!
SPUD
HIS MATHS TEST!
Spoken.
KEVIN
This is it then.
DYLAN
It is. Meet me back at the fence at four. Don't
be late and don't fuck it up.
KEVIN
OK, I'll try not to Dylan. Please don't get me
in trouble!
DYLAN
In a bit Kev! See you on the other side!
KEVIN
Live long and...shit.
During this dialogue the boys have
been preparing for the switch,
Kevin lends Dylan a tie and Dylan
loosens Kevin's tie. Before Kevin
has a chance to process it Dylan
has scaled the fence and is on the
other side and gone. Spud and Tom
are in the background observing.
Sung.
KEVIN
AS TWO WORLDS COLLIDE,
IT'S NO TIME TO HIDE,
DROP THE NEEDLE, SKIP THE TRACK,
AND FLIP TO THE A-SIDE.
KEVIN
OUR FATES ARE NOW TIED, HOP ON FOR THE RIDE.
LET'S FLIP TO THE A-SIDE.
SPUD & TOM
AHHHHH! OOOOO!
End of Act 1.
