ACT ONE
The stage is in darkness. School
bell. Music. Lights on Kevin's
Harp Hill class, the students rush
around as though heading to class.
High fives, pranks etc before
suddenly being sat still at single
desks, working silently. Kevin
finishes the work and looks
around, bored. Sung.
- HARP HILL SCHOOL
KEVIN
SIT HERE IN THIS CLASSROOM EVERY DAY,
STAY SILENT AND HEAR THE THINGS THEY SAY,
I CAN REEL OFF THE ANSWERS TIL I'M BLUE
BUT THERE'S GOTTA BE MORE TO DO THAN...
SPLIT FRACTIONS TO CALCULATE THE PRIME,
DIVIDE DISTANCE BY SPEED TO FIND THE TIME,
AND I COULD TELL YOU THE PROBABILITY,
BUT THERE'S GOT TO BE MORE TO ME.
Spoken.
PAT
Ready for the big presentation Obi Wan?
KEVIN
How could I be ready Pat? I will never be
ready! I can barely speak in front of normal
class mates let alone Penny!
PAT
I won't stand for it Kevin. You're a hero in
the making! You're Neo, before he knew he was,
NEO.
KEVIN
I'm not Pat, I'm a dweeb. There is no world
where she would be interested in someone like
me.
Kevin and Pat have been staring at
Penny for most of this dialogue.
PENNY
Could you two please stop staring at me.
Kevin looks away from her and back
at the audience. Sung.
KEVIN
MY DREAM GIRL OVER THERE, THAT'S PENNY HART,
SHE'S SO FINE - A DA VINCI WORK OF ART.
MY MANIA GROWS FROM WEEK TO WEEK,
BUT SHE JUST SEES SOME MASSIVE GEEK.
The students are all moving to
their next class. The whole thing
should feel like a mass of motion,
swirling around Kevin who appears
to be blown about by it all.
KEVIN
I TRY TO LIVE BETWEEN THE LINES,
SWERVE LEFT TO DODGE THE SOCIAL MINES.
I'M NOT THE GUY WHO GETS THE GIRL YOU SEE.
NOT LIKE THE NUMBERS IN A BOOK,
EVEN ONE WORD AND I CAN'T LOOK!
A QUAKING MESS OF NOBODY,
MY EVERYDAY REALITY!
Harry Ludlowe-Brown and Karen
enter. Spoken.
HARRY
Oh here they are, Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Cum.
Why the fuck are you two even here?
PAT
We go to school here Harry, as well you know.
HARRY
Alright, keep your panties on. I'm sick of your
faces, why don't you fuck off somewhere poor -
like Forest Hill.
(Beat. Karen and Harry find this
hilarious)
Well, go on then, fuck off to class.
All three of them exit on Harry's
line, Kevin and Pat walk into each
other before settling on which
side to exit. Bell rings. The
ensemble change their blazers to
indicate we are now in Forest
Hill. Dylan is pointing at
students/audience members. Spud
and Tom in attendance, other
students around. They are just out
of sight of the main school
grounds, in their usual place by
the fence. Spoken.
DYLAN
You're a donkey, you're a bell-end, and what in
the name of all that's fuck is that?! Oh, it's
Ralph. Ralph, lighter please.
Ralph hurries over and lights
Dylan's cigarette before being
dismissed.
DYLAN
Thank you Ralph.
SPUD
Can I have one, Dyl?
TOM
Get your own, you skank!
DYLAN
Now, now Thomas! Open wide Spuddy!
He flicks a cigarette out of the
pack and Spud catches it in his
mouth the wrong way round but
lights it nonetheless.
TOM
You're such a twat.
SPUD
Better a twat than a..a..dickhead.
DYLAN
Genius.
Sarah, Courtney and Gloria enter.
Sarah goes to Dylan, Courtney to
Tom and Gloria and Spud linger
slightly apart from each other, a
little awkward.
TOM
Oi, oi!
COURTNEY
Boys.
SARAH
(To Dylan)
So this is where you've been hiding.
They kiss.
SPUD
She is so fit.
GLORIA
Out of your league, Spuddy.
DYLAN
Spud, you know if your hand is bigger than your
face it means you've got cancer.
SPUD
(Trying it)
Does it?
As Spud tries to check, Dylan
whacks his hand into his face.
DYLAN
Ha. No.
Sung.
DYLAN
S'NOT REALLY THAT EASY BEING COOL,
TO FIND PLEASURE IN BREAKING EVERY RULE,
I GET A BUZZ IN MY INDIVIDUAL WAY,
DO WHAT I WANT EVERY DAY.
As he moves through the next
verse, the things he sings about
are enacted. Similarly frenetic to
Kevin's verse.
DYLAN
JUST,
KNOCK TRAYS OVER IN THE DINNER HALL,
KEEP PUSHING UNTIL I START A BRAWL,
WHEN ANGLES, NUMBERS AND FRACTIONS HURT MY BRAIN,
I KICK OUT OR I GO INSANE!
AND THOUGH IN HERE MY FATE IS SEALED,
THE GIRLS ALL LOVE ME ON THE FIELD,
I AM THE STAR, I'M NOT SOME WAN-NA-BE.
STILL NOT AFRAID TO PLAY THE FOOL,
OR PAY THE PRICE FOR BEING COOL,
IT STOPS ME BEING NOBODY,
MY EVERYDAY REALITY!
Students from both schools fill
the stage in the same chaotic way
as in the start of the number. The
Forest Hill lot are distinctly
cooler than Harp Hill who deliver
a school choir descant.
GROUP VOCAL 1 - FORREST HILL
SIT HERE IN THIS CLASSROOM EVERY DAY,
STAY SILENT AND HEAR THE THINGS THEY SAY,
SPLIT FRACTIONS TO CALCULATE THE PRIME,
DIVIDE DISTANCE BY SPEED TO FIND THE TIME, (REPEAT)
(SECOND TIME) ADD HARP HILL
IN OUR INDIVIDUAL WAY,
WE CAN MAKE IT THROUGH THE DAY! (REPEAT)
(THIRD TIME) PRIVATE SCHOOL
DESCANT
WE MARCH ON IN A DAZE,
WE'RE LIKE RATS IN A MAZE (REPEAT)
FINAL GROUP CHORUS
OUR EVERYDAY REALITY,
IT'S NOT A PLACE WE WANT TO BE,
STUCK ON REPEAT UNTIL THEY SET US FREE
IS THERE ANOTHER TIME AND SPACE,
ANOTHER WORLD, A BETTER PLACE?
DYLAN
'CAUSE WE ALL NEED TO FIND THE FUN!
TOM & SPUD
JUST KILLING TIME BEFORE WE'RE DONE!
KEVIN
DO WE ALL GET WHAT WE DESERVE?
PAT
JUST HANGING ON TO OUR LAST NERVE!
PENNY
IF ONLY LIFE WORKED DIFFERENTLY!
DYLAN & KEVIN
BUT WHAT IT IS, IS WHAT WILL BE!
ALL
OUR EVERYDAY REALITY!
IN OUR INDIVIDUAL WAY/EVERYDAY REALITY ETC
'NOTHER BLOODY DAY!
End of song.
